afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Colin Firth celebrating)
Happiest of happy birthdays, Brenda! May your day be filled with cake and lots of free time to think about pretty men doing it. Or alternatively, doing it with pretty men which I think is really the best way to spend one's birthday. You are awesome, and there are little things in the world I enjoy more than disagreeing wholeheartedly with you (and have a make-up-make-out session afterwards). I love you!

As for birthday gifts: I told Karl to go and tie a bow around his dick and stand in front of your door with a huge bunch of roses in his arms. Since that made it impossible for him to ring your doorbell, I sent Orlando with him to do that for him. If you haven't received your human sexgift telegram yet, please go outside and check your doormat. If, by any chance, Karl isn't standing there, then please direct all complaints at Orlando. I have a suspicion that he might've kidnapped your birthday boy to have his way with him, which is not cool at all, I agree, especially since Orlando's birthday isn't until later this month.

What I am trying to say: In case naked!Karl isn't there to celebrate with you, please complain to Orlando and leave me a comment here in which you specify what kind of gift you'd like instead. Fic for example. Or a knitted hat (but I only just learned knitting, so you may not want to chose that).

ANYWAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING!!!!
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Orlando PPP)
Err happy New Year everyone. And speaking of things-that-are-incredibly late: THANK YOU for your Christmas cards, guys! Yours are sort of on the way, too. Please don't make me embarrass myself by explaining exactly what 'sort of means' :). Also late: A big squee for the return of 'Sherlock' and and even bigger squee for the awesomeness that was 'A game of shadows' (so much love for the first but even more for the latter).

Now that my tardiness is out of the way, let's get to the I-am-totally-on-time-yay-me major subject of this post which is BRENDA'S BIRTHDAY!!!1!! And guess who dragged three puppets out of their holding cell box in my brain, dusted them off and made them dance for you. That's right, ME!

Title: Like dangling from a hot-air balloon
Pairing: Harry/Orlando/Karl
Rating: R
Word Count: ~3.500
Disclaimer: None of this is true.
A/N: This is for [livejournal.com profile] azewewish because she won’t stop pestering me about these guys. Or because it is her birthday. Either way: I love youuuu! – This might be considered sliiightly crackish in some countries.

“I realized something,” Harry says out of the blue and switches the telly off. The epiphanies Harry has while watching crappy daytime TV are usually to be treated with caution. Sort of like appeasement suggestions made by Adolf Hitler. – “Has it to do with the size of your dick?” Karl therefore asks back skeptically from the sofa without looking up from his paper. Orlando’s feet are shoved under Karl’s thighs and he inspects the joint between his fingers contemplatively before he says, “Because we know about that already, donkey.”  )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Fandom is home)
Guys, I was absolutely overwhelmed by all the well wishes on my birthday – thank you all so much, I grinned the entire day :).

Thank you [livejournal.com profile] anthos65, [livejournal.com profile] azewewish, [livejournal.com profile] dodger_sister, [livejournal.com profile] doylebaby, [livejournal.com profile] gattodoro, [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash, [livejournal.com profile] griffndor, [livejournal.com profile] ideosyncratic, [livejournal.com profile] idlesloth, [livejournal.com profile] ireth06, [livejournal.com profile] jackieville, [livejournal.com profile] lenalove, [livejournal.com profile] liars_dance, [livejournal.com profile] nienor78 and [livejournal.com profile] poetic_self for your congratulation posts – I drooled over the pictures and very nearly printed out your kind words so I could keep them close to my heart. I didn’t because dude, that would’ve been a LOT of paper to eat. But still: THANK YOU!

Also, thank you to [livejournal.com profile] anthos65, [livejournal.com profile] foxrafer,[livejournal.com profile] giselleslash, [livejournal.com profile] griffndor, [livejournal.com profile] kittylass, [livejournal.com profile] mistry89 and [livejournal.com profile] nienor78 for the pretty vgifts and [livejournal.com profile] amygirl and [livejournal.com profile] yggdrasilian for the PMs with well wishes.

A very special shout out to [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash, the queen of Orlibean (no one writes them like she does, one of the trufax of the universe), who gifted me with the awesome story Orlando’s King of the Bathroom, Dammit, the most lovely and funny domestic schmoop that features Orlando in a toolbelt and Bean in the shower. Awesome!

And another very special thank you to the far too generous [livejournal.com profile] griffndor - darling, you shouldn’t have but now that you did, I’m totally gonna spend the gift certificate on Bana and Urban DVDs and stack them veeery closely together in my DVD rack, hoping there will be some interlocking going on :).

I really, really hope that I haven’t forgotten anyone – if I did, it’s because all of the love and attention made my head swell and my brain explode; so it’s really not my fault but my flist’s.

I &heart you, guys. You are too awesome for words.
afra_schatz: (Merlin Arthur smile)
Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash!!!

OMG, you can be so glad that I'm not standing right in front of you right now because believe me there would be birthday hymns (very off key) and possibly nakedness and humping your leg because really, that's what every birthday congratulation should be like if the person receiving it is so AWESOME.

So, instead of naked dancing all you get is ALL CAPS FLAILING *FLAILS*

I don't even know where to start (see, the nakedness would TOTALLY overshadow that) but man, I love you so hard that even Viggo, being all artistic and bare foot, couldn't find words.

Let's just say that you're one of the greatest people ever - you're funny and witty and sassy and random and like the fandom queen of little things and porn and a bunch of other things that are printed on birthday cards (well, maybe aside from the porn bit because for some reason there is no appropriate porn related celebration stationary). I am so glad that I met you in fandom, your fics always remind me of why I love it here in the first place, and beyond that? You just get it, take the important things seriously like the sword of truth and have the greatest sense of humor to deal with everything else.

You're totally my heroine and if I could draw, like, really awesomely I'd totally turn you into a comic book character because you're just that awesome. Also, because I could make Bradley your sidekick. It'd be "The adventures of Gorgeous Gigi and her faithful companion Snaggletooth Nakedchest".

In short: I &hearts U, have a good one!
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Karl 1)
Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] azewewish !!!

I hope you have a great day and by great I mean I hope that Orlando is riding his unicorn right over your head and let it glitter all over you! Also, I'm thinking it'd be a wasted day if there wasn't Karl in a birthday cake somewhere along the line. I love you with an intensity that would require a restraining order if it weren't for the ocean seperating us. You're one of the coolest persons I know (even though you have this thing about disagreeing with me. Why is that I ask? Probably because the make-up sex is all the more awesome, isn't it) and I'm so glad I met you and all that other sentimental stuff.

And since my muses are still not cooperating there is no birthday ficcage (WOE). But at least I managed to do something else creative... I'm not entirely sure whether it was a good thing that I had colour pencils lying next to my sketchpad but whatever, it's KARL and he's always hot, right?


I heart you like Viggo hates shoes, like Bean loves soccer football, like Orlando worships the sword of truth, like Karl rocks at being an ev0l bastard.

afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Doctor Nine)
The happiest of happy birthdays to [livejournal.com profile] amygirl ! - Darling, I hope you have a fabulous day (with lots of time for fandom related indulgence!) and lookit, I brought three, no one, no three guests to your party who all dressed up for the occasion (esp. Eleven, obviously) and would love a piece of banana flavoured birthday cake! Love you, sweetness!


afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Merlin Real M+A1)
Stupid time zones… is it the 11th yet? Well, it is here, so:

Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash!!! Lookit, I imprisoned certain people in my metaphorical cellar and made them do fic for you:

Title: Our backup lives
Characters: Colin Morgan and Bradley James (Boarding school AU)
Rating: So very Gen
Word Count: ~4.000
Disclaimer: None of this is true.
A/N: This is another bit from the boarding school verse. There’s no need to have read any of the previous parts however: The teachers are largely NZimported LotR actors and the boys are two of the boarders, that’s all you need to know.
A/N 2: This is for my darling braintwin, my fellow farty glitterpony owner, the Voice to my bagpipe solo, one of the coolest people and bestest writers out there. Happy birthday, you amazing woman! I <3 you.


“You could poke someone’s eye out with that,” Colin says calmly. )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Firefly going mad)
Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] azewewish!

Title: 2009, April or: So, we had gay sex and then you stole my underwear
Fandom: CW RPS x-over with LotR RPS (Paint!verse)
Pairings: Jensen Ackles/Chad Michael Murray, Orlando/Sean
Rating: R at best or something, I dunno
Word Count: around 7.800
A/N 1: This is all Brenda’s fault. In other words: Happy birthday, baby!!
A/N 2: This is NOT a first chapter. It’s the entire finished fic. Just so we’re clear :). Plot? Character development? Shut up.
A/N3: As for all the people who pretend to be protagonists in this, I’m sure most of you know them anyways, just in case these are: Jensen Ackles, Chad Michael Murray, Jared Padalecki, Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Shut up, Brenda, this pic is totally representative :)) and Christian Kane. Oh, and Rambo.


April is the month in which Jensen gets a dog. It is also the month in which he accidentally befriends way too many artsy people, finds his inner Dolly Parton and possibly has gay sex for the second time. And probably for the first time. But it really all starts with the dog. )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Colin)
Title: You turn me on (I’m a radio) (1/?)
Pairing: Colin Farrell / Orlando Bloom (AU)
Rating: aiming for NC17 in the future
Disclaimer: None of this is true.
Word Count: 1.868
A/N of epic proportions: This is for my darling [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash because: Birthday! *stuffs Orlando into a bday cake* For the occasion, I nicked the title from a questionable Joni Mitchell song and the entire setup from ‘Entourage’, specifically a part of ’Date Night’. Instead of Vince’s boys, you get Jamie Foxx (10 years younger than in rl), Adrian Grenier, and Edward Norton who all were in movies together with Colin. Considering the set up, Orlando is a mixture of her and him which might make you think this is slightly crackish. You’re totally wrong of course. Also, this is gonna be a longer one because I can’t shut up love my girl.


“All I did was show interest in her career and compliment her on her physical appearance!” Foxx throws his hands in the air, hitting the roof of the car accidentally.>“You said ‘Girl, you got a degree in sexy ladyness?’,” Adrian replies dryly, popping a Dorito into his mouth and steering one handedly. “And I think you drooled on her.” )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (SO force/object)
Title: Say aren't you - The sideshow perspective
Pairing: Sean / Orlando implied
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: LIES!
A/N: This is an interlude in the Sean-and-Orlando-all-dialog-series, starring Brad and Eric. Written for [livejournal.com profile] amygirl's birthday *squishes*

So. Are Bloom and Bean fucking or what? )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Orlando Drew dancing)
Title: Darn
Pairing: Orlando Bloom / Colin Farrell
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All lies.
Word Count: 636
A/N: Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash! I love you, darling.

’This’s better than watching apes in the zoo.’ )
afra_schatz: (Vigbean Hug)
Title: Cupcake
Pairing: Sean Bean / Viggo Mortensen
Rating: Gen
Word Count: 361
Disclaimer: Very much not true.
A/N: For [livejournal.com profile] caras_galadhon - Happy birthday, darling! (Dialogue only fic)


Read more... )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Colin Firth celebrating)
*clears throat*

Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] irrlicht74!!!



Eric!Muse sends his love and invites you to sit on the hood of his Porsche while while he drives around the block - and we all know what touching the holy car means ;). Sean!Muse says he wants a piece of birthday cake and whipped cream, the latter preferably served on Viggo's chest. After my politely pointing out that this is _your_ birthday, not his, he huffs a bit but then offers to strut around naked for you if you'd like that.

Darling, I hope you'll have a wonderful birthday (especially now that we have such fantastic weather around these parts :)) and that today will be one of 365 days filled with joy and love and all the other sticky stuff that makes us chubby but happy! *hugs tight*
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Colin Firth celebrating)
Before I'm off again to my new flat for a few days, I have a little something for a very special someone:

Title: All colours of the rainbow – drabble series
Author: [livejournal.com profile] afra_schatz
Fandom: LotR RPS
Pairing: Orlando Bloom / Sean Bean
Rating: NC 17
Word count: 100 each, 1000 total
Disclaimer: All lies. And more lies and yet more of them.
Warning: Hint of mildest kink in one of them

Dedication: For [livejournal.com profile] lorielen because she once said that she liked lush colours. Happy birthday, my darling!

A/N: PoV alternates, starting with Orlando in the first drabble and switching to Sean in the second and so on. Loose chronological order. Excessive use of personal pronouns ahead, consider yourself warned ;).

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Yellow – Blue – Orange – White – Green – Pink – Red – Black – Gold – Silver )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (art Ireland)
I'll be off to London for a few days tonight - anything that you guys would strongly advise me to do there (except for camping on Sean's doorstep that is, cause I have planned in much time for that already)?

Also: Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] nevanoon! I hope you have a fantastic day!
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (SO)
Title: All possible roles – Ninth in the “Say, aren’t you?” dialogue series
Author: [livejournal.com profile] afra_schatz
Fandom / pairing: LotR RPS, Orlibean friendship+ during the shooting of ‘Troy’
Disclaimer: A big fat truckload of lies
Rating: R
Word count: 1090
A/N: If you don’t get the Mr. Miyagi reference then congratulations, you do have taste when it comes to movies from the 80s :).
A/N2: This one is dedicated to [livejournal.com profile] titheniel. Happy birthday, dearie, and may your birthday dinner be of better quality than the guys' food in this chappie ;).

You call that lunch? – No. I call that a tray full of crap but catering insists it is lunch. )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (SO)
Title: Rise and shine – Sixth in the “Say, aren’t you?” dialogue series
Author: [livejournal.com profile] afra_schatz
Fandom / pairing: LotR RPS, Orlibean friendship during the shooting of ‘Troy’
Disclaimer: A big fat truckload of lies
Rating: PG
Word count: 859
A/N: This is a dialogue only fic in which I didn’t even bother with quoting marks but I hope it’s pretty easy to follow who says what once you get the hang of it.
A/N2: Brian in this part is Brian Cox who plays Agamemnon in “Troy” and Hogan in “Sharpe”. – And a naked, chocolate coated Orlando for anyone who recognises the song lyrics Orlando’s quoting :).
A/N3 (I promise it’s the last one :)): Dedicated to [livejournal.com profile] galor5 as a belated (*cringes* sorry bout that) birthday gift – congrats, hon!

Rise and shine, Beanie. – 'ont 'all me 'at, damnit. )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (SO)
I’m in a real hurry ‘cause I’m late already, so excuse the rushed post, but I had to drop by to holler a big, fat

Happy birthday, doylebaby!

before I disappear on the German Autobahn :). I hope you have a wonderful day, love, get lots of presents and have a bit of quality time for yourself as well so you can indulge in a bit of fic reading. I wrote this back in Thailand and now dedicate it to you, I hope you like it *hugs*

Title: Say, aren’t you? – First in the “Say, aren’t you?” dialogue series
Author: [livejournal.com profile] afra_schatz
Fandom / paring: LotR RPS, Orlibean friendship during the shooting of ‘Troy’
Disclaimer: All lies
Rating: PG
Word count: 855
A/N: I started writing this in Phuket in a meaningless-bantering-kinda mood, having one of [livejournal.com profile] abandt’s Orlibean friendship one shots in mind. However, I think both muses turn out to be drawn to one another for different and more serious reasons than that only. We’ll see where that takes us eventually :). – This is a dialogue only fic in which I didn’t even bother with quoting marks but I hope it’s pretty easy to follow who says what once you get the hang of it.

My gosh! Say, aren’t you Boromir from the Rings movies? Would you sign my bra? )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (SO Actor AU)
Oi, [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash! *jumps the unsuspecting birthday girl*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GORGEOUS!



Where’s your big damn birthday party? Cause I not only have cake and alcohol, I also brought a special present erm, I mean guest. Most possibly he’ll get plastered in no time, will insult all the other guests and pass out in the middle of your living room, stark naked. But he does look quite decorative when naked…

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Title: See
Author: [livejournal.com profile] afra_schatz
Fandom: LotR RPS
Pairing: Orlibean
Rating: NC 17
Disclaimer: All lies. And more lies and yet more of them.
A/N: Ninth story in the moody middle aged actor ‘verse. Just like the other bits I reckon it can be read as a standalone.
A/N 2: It’s a little late regarding the contents of this, but what can I say? Apparently the bugger of a muse decided that Christmas was not the really relevant date of the year but [livejournal.com profile] giselleslash’s, birthday :). So, all the mush I smuggled past the Bean is for you, darling!
Beta: The lovely [livejournal.com profile] abandt

Sean had always hated December and the whole seasonal charade something fierce because really, Christmas spirit wasn’t anything but a cheap street whore. )
afra_schatz: Made by wizzicons on LJ (Colin Firth celebrating)
Happy birtday, [livejournal.com profile] killthwight!!!

I hope you have a wonderful and sunny - literally as well as metaphorically - day and get lots and lots of presents (yes, material girl here) and hey, look, I brought party guests :).

Alan, Colin and Sean trying to look their best for the birthday girl )

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